I have recently been to your website looking for answers…i haven’t always been this depressed, i have been sexually abused for 7 years and no matter what my family and i do someone always does it. i haven’t looked into a sexual relationship for “love” i have all the love i need at home. How many of your volunteers have been through what over half of the world has been through….how many know what it’s like to hate the opposite sex? If you don’t know what its like how can you help prevent what happens every day? It’s a battle no one will win because teens are going to do it whether you or anyone else wants them to or not. I guess i have one main question…..how are you going to keep every teen from this when its impossible?
The questions you ask about sexual abuse and “how many know what it’s like to hate the opposite sex?” express so much pain, I hardly know how to respond. I wish I could erase all the things that have been done to you, but I can’t. (What was done to you is illegal. Those who did these things should be prosecuted for their crimes. I advise you to talk to your school guidance counselor or another responsible adult to get the help and protection you need.)
What I can say is that when people misuse love and sex, bad things happen to them, and to others. This is no secret to you or almost anyone else willing to pay attention. Many teens we have contact with understand this very well. Some of them have made these mistakes and have chosen to stop making them. They understand that the time to experience sexual intimacy will come again–later.
Jerica, you say, “its a battle no one will win because teens are going to do it whether you or anyone else wants them to or not. i guess i have one main question…..how are you going to keep every teen from this when its impossible?” Well, you’re right, no one, me included, has the power to “keep every teen from this.” To be honest, there are too many adults who profit from teen sex, from using teens for sex personally or from making money from it.
All we can do is talk honestly about these issues. There are many teens who understand exactly what we’re trying to say, and just need some encouragement to go the right way in their lives. Sometimes the ones who argue the most with us are the ones who most want to receive an answer.
Thank you for sharing some of your painful heart with us. I hope we hear from you again. Please contact us if you need help to get away from your dangerous situation, or if you just want to talk.
Selected poems from “Cool Kids” club in Paterson
I choose to stay true to myself
by Shamya Winstead
18 and a virgin, wasn’t nothing easy about this journey.
From the temptation, peer pressure, and social media.
I choose to stay true to myself.
I really don’t need anybody else.
Between school and work,
I had my hands full and wasn’t looking to get in any dirt.
As long as I have my old school songs.
I could do no wrong.
These boys were just looking for some new toy.
And that’s why I’m still 18 and a virgin.
Is he worthy?
by Nyzay Richardson
Scared and afraid
Is it gonna hurt?
Am I ready?
To let someone to take my innocence away?
Is he worthy,
To be the one to take something so precious
that belongs to me?
Something that is only for me.
That’s why I believe,
Abstinence is for me…
Free To Say No and be me!!!
Free Teens means Free to be A Teenager
Free To be me and not pressured to be someone else
Free To Live and have a future without the worries of parenthood, STIs, or STDs.
Free To enjoy the life destined for me
Free Teens means me and my friends can wait
and still be Free to be me.
“Do you know?”
by Leekia Gourzong
Do you know? How many teens in New Jersey get pregnant each year? 3,407.
Do you know how many fetuses are aborted every year in New Jersey? 44,460.
Teens in my generation wanna hit it and quit it.
No! They are not gonna stick around if you get STD, pregnant,
emotional scarred or mentally unstable.
Many teens that get pregnant, end up:
Drop out of school.
Get an abortion.
Don’t attend college.
Turn to Substance abuse.
Work minimum wage and have financial problems.
If I got pregnant my whole life would change.
No more parting! My social life would be 6 feet under!
From school, to working to provide for when my child gets here,
I would be stressed.
I am a child
So no! I will not have sex till marriage
I will not give up my freedom yet.
I will attend a university
Receive my biology degree to become an obstetrician and gynecologist.
And help other youths through their life events.
That’s why I’m abstaining from sex.
My name is Monique McDonald and I am 17 years of age. I attend John F. Kennedy Educational Complex for Architecture and Construction Trades. After high school, I plan to attend an University to major in Architecture.
I like to write poetry and songs, it relaxes me. My favorite genres of music are gospel and reggae. While, I was at the laundromat the lyrics to my song “I should of waited” just came to me; I started typing away and forgot all about folding my clothes.
I’m a 17 year old high school student, currently a senior. I don’t think my life has been that difficult, but it’s definitely not been perfect.
I was born in Cali, Colombia. My mother left my father when I was young to go to the United States in search of a better life for me. Adapting to the schools and language wasn’t as hard as expected. Soon I had a stepfather who became a big part of my life and then a younger brother who is fun to bother
Growing up, I had many friends who did drugs and sometimes hooking up with someone. I’ve never been easily influenced to do anything, so I guess it’s good to be stubborn sometimes. This saved me from the problems that soon came to my former friends. Some were arrested; others I knew had kids.
Incredibly, I started to see more of this as I entered high school. Kids just wanting attention, wanting to be “cool” in front of everyone. Sex was becoming a common conversation to many. I’d hear many stories about one person doing this and that. Name calling and bullying certain people who had multiple relationships with someone, started to become more common. You could you hear it everywhere. Guys thinking they’re “cool” because of who they have been with, spreading rumors, embarrassing girls, ruining their reputations. Shocked is the only way I could describe what I felt about high school in my freshman year.
Now, as a Senior, I have seen girls not even 18 yet, pregnant in school walking in the hallways. I feel bad for them only if they just didn’t have sex with someone their lives would be different. All in an instant, someone’s life is changed just because they wanted to be like someone else or finally be the “cool” kid in school. As a Senior in high school, I can tell you that they aren’t the cool kids. They’re the ones not succeeding in life. They’re the ones left behind.
Making the right decisions can be difficult. Also, knowing what really is wrong or right is challenging at times. No one is alone and you don’t have to make decisions by yourself. That’s why LoveSmarts connects hundreds of teens who openly share their experiences. It allows us teens to learn from their experiences and better ourselves. Don’t ever feel like you’ll never be heard, don’t let yourself to get down with the feeling of insecurity. Interact with the many teens who share the same feeling you do. Learn the consequences of immature choices and learn how to start making healthy choices.
Dear Free Teens,
I am a college freshman this year, 19, and finally on my own. My religion and culture have always emphasized abstinence until marriage, and I have chosen to obey that principle. When I was a young teenager, I also decided I would not have boyfriend in High School, and would not kiss anyone until after I graduated. I achieved my goals. I know some of the girls at my school that got pregnant in High School, or had irresponsible sex, and felt bad about it. I never had to worry about it, because I made the choices before the situation came up. I would encourage others, both male and female, to make their choices ASAP. If you know what you want, you are more likely to get it. And thank you so much for this web site. I always thought it was just a few select religions that publicized this, and I am glad to know you are informing other youth about the advantages of waiting. It really will change lives.
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